For some unknown reason, my 13 year old daughter told me that I was just like the Dad of one of the characters in a book she was reading. Really I said, thinking that I was probably a dashing hero who had saved his daughter from some imminent peril. So she goes and gets the book to READ me the excerpt about 'what a great guy I am. I could hardly wait. Well here it is:
[I suppose I should set it up a bit. The book is called 'Animal Attraction' Slow down there people...its about a girl who gets a summer job at a theme park. Her job is to dress up in a beaver suit and entertain the kids.] Well, anyway, here is the excerpt that she read to me:
If this keeps up, I'll need a psychiatrist by Labor Day.
Today's my first day of swim lessons, so I'm going to hit the pool early and start on Coach Latham's workout routine.
I stumble into the kitchen and pour myself a bowl of Honeycombs. I'm so out of it, I don't even notice my Dad sitting at the table eating his breakfast.
"Look who's up," he says, all bright and cheery. "Aren't you a busy little beaver?"
My Dad lives to tell bad jokes. He considers it his gift to the world. I realize that I have to nip this in the bud or it will go on all summer long.
I wave my cereal spoon at him with as much menace as I can manage. "That's not funny, Dad."
"What? You don't like the little beaver wordplay?"
"No, I don't"
"Kind of gnaws at you, doesn't it?"
"Stop it, Dad."
"Maybe you should lodge a complaint."
That one almost gets me. I'm trying not to laugh on principle, but he doesn't make it easy. He's a very funny guy. I overcome the urge to give him my toughest look. "That's enough."
"So you're not going to laugh?" he asks.
"No, I'm not."
"Dam!" He says.
"Beaver dam. I get it, Dad. Still not funny." As I say this, I finally break and start to laugh. Some of my milk shoots up my nose, which is just what he wanted.
"Now I can go to work," he says as he finishes his last piece of toast. He gets up, leans over, and gives me a kiss on the forehead. I love you, Janey."
Well, so much for being the hero! I guess I'm the King of bad jokes. And though you may think I would be dejected about the reading, I was actually a little proud and amused. Nothing like tormenting a 13 year old with bad jokes and puns. And to most of you who know me...you can just imagine me filling those shoes. Glad to do it.
So if my tale seems a little flat to you, don't let it gnaw at your inside for too long. I'm sure I'll be able to sink my chompers into some funnier material soon.
Grins
Excerpt from: Animal Attraction by Jamie Ponti
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Dad's Birthday!
Would have been my Dad's Birthday today! Sad to lose your parents too soon. Love ya Dad - Arthur Don Gardner December 28th
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
My Momma's 88th
My mother would have been 88 today. Happy Birthday Mom! Eva Mae Coulson, Born December 24, 1920 in Kansas. Your family is thinking of you, and all the Birthday presents you missed out on cause your birthday was on Christmas Eve.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Being Old...ain't so bad!
In this age of new technology, it seems a person has a hard time keeping up with the ever-changing technology and the associated gadgets. And I would be on the list of those who had bought into a gadget or two. I'm as lazy as the next guy who likes something that will make a task easier, or a thing faster, or a movie more entertaining. There is a lot of cool stuff out there. Imagine, if you put the technology in contrast to what we have today compared to what they had say, 100 years ago in 1908...whoa!
So it seems to follow that 'newer is better'! Or that the old does not work as well as the new! Technology is moving so fast that manufacturers actual make electronic items cheap, actually designing things like cell phones to only last two years; because they know you'll want a newer model before two years is up. Try explaining that rational to your Grandparents.
Now it may be true that technology is changing so fast that it forces you to buy a new computer every few years in order to keep up. I'm not convinced its always better. Is Vista better than Windows for example? No... I'm not here to debate that issue. I can say that at my work, every time they update our software with some new application...it ain't always better. Sure we may gain some new gadget or functionality, but invariably we lose something also.
Ever heard the expression: 'They don't make em like they use to'? There is sound reasoning for that kind of thinking! They don't make anything like they use to; unless it's some old guy keeping a trade alive. Everything is thinner, or lighter, or done a different way these days..."Where you been old timer?"
I'm here, just trying to make sense of it all.
And its not just technology! They don't make families like they use to. Where everybody comes home and eats a family meal. Where children respect their parents, or teachers, or elders. Where a man's word was truthful and good. Where people waited to have sex till they were married. Where a boy would not dream of talking back to his father.
When you start looking at the big picture, perhaps the 'old is better than the new'!?
I recently became a father again at an age that is older than the age of most fathers these days. I know a lot more than most of them. I've learned a thing or two along the way. And I'll teach some better value's than most of them. I hope to raise a good man.
So...maybe being old ain't such a bad thing! Maybe being a little old fashioned is a good thing. I can say that in the old days, they built a better man. They built a better family. They built a better home, and they built a better car. The list is long. And had there been such a thing as a computer, they probably would have built a better computer. One that would last. And the very idea, the very idea, to create a virus that would go forth and maliciously destroy someone else's property...for no reason whatsoever...would never even cross the mind of a man.
Yes, I'm old. And damn proud to say so! There's a lot to be said for the good ole days!
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt
So it seems to follow that 'newer is better'! Or that the old does not work as well as the new! Technology is moving so fast that manufacturers actual make electronic items cheap, actually designing things like cell phones to only last two years; because they know you'll want a newer model before two years is up. Try explaining that rational to your Grandparents.
Now it may be true that technology is changing so fast that it forces you to buy a new computer every few years in order to keep up. I'm not convinced its always better. Is Vista better than Windows for example? No... I'm not here to debate that issue. I can say that at my work, every time they update our software with some new application...it ain't always better. Sure we may gain some new gadget or functionality, but invariably we lose something also.
Ever heard the expression: 'They don't make em like they use to'? There is sound reasoning for that kind of thinking! They don't make anything like they use to; unless it's some old guy keeping a trade alive. Everything is thinner, or lighter, or done a different way these days..."Where you been old timer?"
I'm here, just trying to make sense of it all.
And its not just technology! They don't make families like they use to. Where everybody comes home and eats a family meal. Where children respect their parents, or teachers, or elders. Where a man's word was truthful and good. Where people waited to have sex till they were married. Where a boy would not dream of talking back to his father.
When you start looking at the big picture, perhaps the 'old is better than the new'!?
I recently became a father again at an age that is older than the age of most fathers these days. I know a lot more than most of them. I've learned a thing or two along the way. And I'll teach some better value's than most of them. I hope to raise a good man.
So...maybe being old ain't such a bad thing! Maybe being a little old fashioned is a good thing. I can say that in the old days, they built a better man. They built a better family. They built a better home, and they built a better car. The list is long. And had there been such a thing as a computer, they probably would have built a better computer. One that would last. And the very idea, the very idea, to create a virus that would go forth and maliciously destroy someone else's property...for no reason whatsoever...would never even cross the mind of a man.
Yes, I'm old. And damn proud to say so! There's a lot to be said for the good ole days!
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt
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